soft and warm.
blurry semi-undefined blobs of color dance in front of my eyes.
my mind only thinks of the present now. the past and future are gone.
just the warmth of her body touching mine, the smell of her hair. her hand clutching mine.
i can fell her body rise and fall as she breathes. and her heart keeping a steady rhythm.
she rolls over,
surprised i say, "i thought you were asleep."
"nope, just thinking how much i love you."
in a flood.
clinging to you, your arms draped around me. my face buried in your fuzzy sweater. and then it happened. an explosion of emotions erupts from the depths of my consciousness, things repressed longer than i can remember. and the tears, pouring from my eyes like the rain that still hasn't stopped. and there i am, in your arms letting out every bit of sadness iv ever held back, i let go. and iv never felt so safe.
it never seems to stop lately. but that's what i seem to identify with anymore. that never-ending, never changing blissful monotony that controls my life. things in our lives, nevertheless seem to be chaotic and random, always to end in the same systematic endings of every other bit of life we all pretend to have. whether or not we're sitting around, driving, going to shows, or sleeping, it all just seems to be the same. and always the rain. another static in my life. the seemingly constant rainfall...
"today", that has to be one of the most relative terms that has been used ever, especially in my life. days just seem to blend together, yesterday becomes today today becomes tomorrow and i what i think is tomorrow becomes today.
"i miss today," i said.
"...but i dread it tomorrow"
because the today of tomorrow is always going to not be the today of yesterday. the day to day concept of today was described by the yuri indians by pointing up. and by society 'today' as the day you are currently in.
but wouldn't tomorrow be today? just like yesterday was?
one again it's raining. but this times it's different. i'm not liking it today. it's dark, damp, cold, and foreboding. iv got that over whelming sense that something is out of place, or it's very wrong. i cant tell. everything is blurred by my new windshield wipers. i liked the old ones better, even though they were broken they still worked. unlike these new ones. just because they're not broken, doesn’t mean they don't need to be fixed. but i still feel like something is wrong, and i cant put my finger on it. maybe it's me, maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the hunger in my stomach, maybe it's the thoughts i'm having, maybe the thought's i'm not. it's a very vague feeling and i don't tend to get those very often. it's comparable to that feeling you get when you first wake up, your eyes are blurry, everything it bright, and it's hard to fo see anything. that's how i feel now, except i'm noticing it less and less...
just sitting there waiting, nervously, anxiously, dreading it's arivial, yet at the same time delighted to know that it'll all be over soon. i look over at geoff, his face is pale, expression blank, and his eyes turned inward, as if he was deep in thaught. i laughed, just to break the tention of the forboading silence that incounpased the room. "lemmie' hit that." i asked as geoff handed me his ciggerette. i took a long drag, untill i could feel the paper burning my fingers